Life Hack Fails

Lifehacks. Some people look them up to increase their efficiency and simplicity. Some other people (Me) look them up to make fun of them. Let's do that for a while.

... And then you'll spend another $20 every time you go to a bar.

 Now you can have a place to hold... A single bagel! Congratulations!

 There are very few purchases that this would make better, and a whole lot that this would make worse.

... And, now you have a birthday card.

And, now they also have to get through the additional stress of having someone tell them to laugh at whatever is stressing them out.

JAM! research has proven that this can cause a stress increase of up to 70%.*

(*This study was conducted by two of our own two staff members, who of course agree with us.)

That vacuum cleaner was actually a rejected droid from the latest Star-Wars preview.

Always a good idea to lessen your total speed when being chased by dangerous (If rarely encountered) predators. #Florida Problems

Personalized... In the most generic way possible. This is the Lifehack that keeps on giving- You could personalize anything this way!

Because we can totally just throw random percentages on things to make them more scientific.

 1. Nebulous citation of "A study"

2. How do you calculate the exact percentage of someone's mood, anyway? The JAM! staff recently tested this, and found anywhere from a 1-27% increase in mood. (As directly opposed to a 95% increase in mood while readying the JAM!)

3. Also, now you have a picture of food. Congratulations.

 Quick poll: Are you pro or anti date-rape?

... And be a complete douche!

 For all the people who have run out of other reasons to have sex.



 For all the people who haven't thrown these out sometime during the last 20 years.

 If you're too far away to unlock your car, what are you going to do with it after you unlock it anyway? Does Bruce Willis need your car to save his pregnant wife from the Insane Clown Posse or something? (In which case, Bruce Willis could open your car faster than you ever could anyway) 

 Alternatively, save yourself the trouble of using a printer (Printers are the DEVIL!) and just learn to measure with a ruler.

So that you can lower your immune system and keep the sore throat going indefinitely. This is a lifehack for people who like being sick. At least you'll never have to go to work again! The MOST sick days!

Works great if you don't have any kids!

And that's all, folks!