I was in a cafe the other day, minding my own ((Ocassional) damn) business, when a man asked for permission to sit across the table from me. Now, this is already a dangerous situation- One which is unideal, but you can't refuse without being rude. So I informed him that, as far as I knew, this was still a free country and not my Starbucks. As I'm putting my headphones in my ears, universal langauge for "I don't want to make small talk.", he begins commenting on my macbook and how nice it is. I told him I wouldn't really know because it's my wife's, and I'm downloading something for her Dietitian's exam. He then asked if my wife was a Dietitian, to which I replied, "That's what the test is about."
He then asked where she worked, to
which I responded, "A hospital, as most people in the field of
Dietetics tend to work." I looked down at my screen and kept
minding my own business as he continued, "Oh you probably drink
soy milk and don't eat meat"(???) I could only assume that he
could only assume that because of my beard and long(ish) hair that I
was some sort of hippie... An obvious enough conclusion to a vietnam
veteran- Yes, that's right, this man was a veteran, as shown by the
hat he was wearing, which very blatantly informed the whole world of
his veteran status. This is important later.
I politely laughed and responded, we
drink regular milk and eat meat, because it's important to have a
balanced diet. Looking vaguely disappointed that I was, in fact, not
a hippie, he grunted and went back to his paper. A few minutes later,
a college-age kid walked up to him and asked him about his hat.
After asking the kid about three times to repeat his question as if it was the most unfair thing in the world, he barked "I don't want to talk about it" despite the kids continued pleas to be regaled with "his story", and
resumed his paper.
Apparently this man was beginning to feel overwhelmed by the amount of social interaction he had just encountered. (Maybe he hit his social quota for the day after our conversation) Previously, he had been socially underwhelmed,
which is why he had wanted to talk to me- But now he had lost the
perfect balance of "Whelmed" and was clearly in the Dangerzone once again.
It makes me wonder, though, why would
you wear a hat or a shirt with something attention-grabbing and
interesting like that, as if you want to broadcast it, and then tell
off anyone who tries to talk to you about it? Did he not own another
hat? Did he need to be wearing a hat at all? So that's how I learned
that people with multiple hats do not frequent Starbucks.
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