Dear/deer readers/browsers/perusers (and Peruvians too) of The Jam: (this is for you)
I would like to apologize for the absence of sanity and amusement on the internet in the last few months, but as it just so happens (coincidence? I think not!) I have been traveling/trekking and traversing hither and thither, and for the most part did not have either time, or internet #worldtravelerprobs with which to continue this jazz you've come to 'lol' at.
After many days of fresh jungle mangos, lack of English, sleep and basic hygiene, I come back to you now, at the turn of the tide...
Since we last spoke (or rather since the Jam was last typed) I've been flung all about the Bolivian and Peruvian countryside on various quests and missions with varying degrees of success and victory...
Here are some (but not all) of the things I've learned in this time that I feel must be dropped on you in preemptive fashion.
So prepare! Knowledge drop time!
#1: Speaking English is apparently not a prerequisite to working at a US embassy, and in fact its totally normal not to have anyone that speaks English until after at least two checkpoints... Also their metal detectors don't work very well... (Not that I'd know from personal experience! (Heavens no!))
#2: Bolivian cab drivers are completely insane... And Peruvian cab drivers... And Chicago cab drivers now that I think of it... Maybe its just all cab drivers, but all I know is after flying around blind curves IN FOG on the Bolivian deathroad, I can no longer reassure people by saying: "it'll be ok, this driver doesn't want to die just as much as you and I do not want to die..."
Their diet consists almost exclusively of the coca leaf, which is coincidentally used to make cocaine... I see this ending well :-!
#3: People in other countries are just as ignorant as we are here in the states.
We get pegged so often as being ignorant, ethnocentric tools here in the states, and for the most part we are don't get me wrong! But sadly the majority of people are. Ignorance and arrogance are tragically universal traits of humanity, and not just our Jam here in the states...
PS: Canadians are super nice. That was not made up.
#4: Parasites exist.
#5: You should check and recheck your passport/stamps at border crossings... You will never regret it...
Once again, not that I would know this from personal experience or anything, but I've got this friend, very similar to me in a lot of ways, and he totally got stuck in a country for a week and a half because some migrations worker at a border station wasn't exactly on the ball.
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| International supermodel |
#6: Men still find me attractive. Sadly for them, I do not share this attraction, but it's always good to know that all my scarfs and homemade tea blends are being noticed by someone... ;)))
Thanks gays.
#7: A town or village in the most remote parts of the world, beyond the power grid, and past the water system is still likely to have Coca cola.
This company has to get mad props (as opposed to chil/tranquil props) for whatever black magic spell they used to accomplish this. I assume that many goats lost their lives to bring this unlikelihood into reality.
#8: Pointing at something and saying this (or 'esto') is apparently no longer a universal way of getting people to know what you are talking about when you forget a word in Spanish... Or at least not for Peruvians.
It could be something as simple as saying not brazos (arms) but these (pointing to legs), and they will look at you bewildered with a look on their face as if you'd just asked them to help you dawn a burlap tuxido and breakdance underwater until you reach the moon.
#9: Tourist are lame, and tourist traps are lamer. (Like the MOST lame!)
#10: in flight meals don't always happen on international flights. #spiritairlines #onefailureamongmany #neveragain
In the end I find that when it's all said and done, I'm completely totally, utterly, and without a doubt, just as confused as you are.
--Not allergic to awesome.
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